The Watchmaker's Daughter: A Memoir Read online

  Table of Contents

  Praise

  Also by Sonia Taitz

  Title Page

  Dedication

  Prologue: The Man Who Fixed Time

  Naming Ceremony

  Arpeggios and Arpège

  Running Like a Crazy

  Eine Kleine Schwarzkopf

  My Shtetl, Washington Heights

  Your Doris, My Elizabeth

  La Vie en Rose

  The Almost Blind Watchmaker

  Piano and Potatoes

  Veal in Love

  Operation Blue-Violet

  Modern/Orthodox

  Beauty Queen

  A Lament for Esau

  My Hellen Keller Fixation

  Lucky Number 13

  A Small Celebrity

  Always Ready

  Redemption Song

  The Making of a Courtesan

  Miles to Go

  Omega and Alpha

  Escapes, West and East

  The Vow

  Master of English Letters

  The Jewess at Last

  Dan Greenleaf, Esquire

  Reparations and Repairs

  Lovely, Dark and Deep

  The Great Bully

  Please Send Help at Once

  Real Lamed-Vavniks

  Women’s Studies

  A Life

  Speedo

  Acknowledgments

  About the Author

  Copyright Page

  Praise for The Watchmaker’s Daughter

  “A heartbreaking memoir of healing power and redeeming devotion, Sonia Taitz’s The Watchmaker’s Daughter has the dovish beauty and levitating spirit of a psalm. The suffering and endurance of Taitz’s parents—Holocaust “death camp graduates” who met at the Lithuanian Jewish Survivors’ Ball in a New York hotel (imagine Steven Spielberg photographing that dance-floor tableau)—form the shadow-hung backdrop of a childhood in a high-octane, postwar America where history seems weightless and tragedy a foreign import, a Hollywood paradise of perky blondes, Pepsodent smiles, and innocent high-school hijinks where our author and heroine longs to fit in. Although the wonder years that Taitz scrupulously, tenderly, beautifully, often comically renders aren’t that far removed from us, they and the Washington Heights she grew up in, the shop where her father repaired watches like a physician tending to the sick tick of time itself, the grand movie houses where the image of Doris Day sunshined the giant screen, have acquired the ache and poignance of a lost, Kodachrome age. A past is here reborn and tenderly restored with the love and absorption of a daughter with a final duty to perform a last act of fidelity. ”

  —James Wolcott, vanity Fair columnist and author of Lucking Out

  “Sonia Taitz’s memoir of growing up the daughter of a master watch repairman who survived the Holocaust is also a haunting meditation on time itself. Taitz writes with a painter’s eye and a poet’s voice.”

  —Mark Whitaker, author of My Long Trip Home

  “Sonia Taitz’s memoir of coming of age in postwar America is unusually gentle, loving, and insightful. This book’s understanding of family dynamics and the realities of the American Dream will resonate with us all.”

  —Joshua Halberstam, author of A Seat at the Table

  “Sonia Taitz captures time in this deeply moving memoir of a woman’s journey back to herself. The Watchmaker’s Daughter is written with a wise eye and a generous heart. Unforgettable!” —Christina Haag, author of Come to the Edge

  Praise for In the King’s Arms

  “Beguiling ... Taitz zigzags among her culturally disparate characters, zooming in on their foibles with elegance and astringency.”

  —The New York Times Book Review

  “In the province of gifted poets, playwrights and novelists.”

  —ForeWord Reviews

  “I thought often of Evelyn Waugh—the smart talk, the fey Brits, country houses, good clothes, lineage for centuries . . . Even the heavy moments have verve and wit.”

  —Jesse Kornbluth, vanity Fair essayist and editor of HeadButler.com

  “In her gloriously rendered novel, In the King’s Arms, Sonia Taitz writes passionately and wisely about outsiders, and what happens when worlds apart slam into each other.”

  —Betsy Carter, author of

  The Puzzle King and Nothing to Fall Back On

  Also by Sonia Taitz

  FICTION

  In the King’s Arms

  NONFICTION

  Mothering Heights

  PLAYS

  Whispered Results

  Couch Tandem

  The Limbo Limbo

  Darkroom

  Domestics

  Cut Paste Delete Restore

  Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, The wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost, to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door!

  EMMA LAZARUS

  Inscription at base of the Statue of Liberty,

  New York Harbor

  To the tempest-tossed,

  and

  to their children

  Prologue: The Man Who Fixed Time

  YOU COULD SAY THAT my father was a watchmaker by trade, but that would be like saying that Nijinsky liked to dance. Fixing watches was not only his livelihood but his life. This skill had saved him when he had been imprisoned at the death camp of Dachau, during the Second World War, and he continued to fix watches until the day he died. Simon Taitz was nothing less than a restorer of time. And I was his daughter, born to continue in his lifework—restoration and repair.

  The minutes in my childhood home went by slowly and deliberately. They were accounted for by an endless series of clocks. Like the burghers of some old village, they sat around me as I listened to their secrets. Some kept the true hour; others were broken, chiming irregularly with dings and false, elaborate windups that led to weird silence. A few bombastically tolled the hours with notes that spread and reverberated. I was mesmerized by the whirly rotations within glass bell jars. I loved and feared the old cuckoos, with pendulums like overgrown Bavarian acorns. Clang and tick, pickaxe and wheel, a real hurly-burly.

  My favorite was the one that sat on the breakfront in our apartment. Despite its size, this small mantel piece boomed throughout the house like an eight-foot grandfather clock. “Westminster chimes,” my father proudly explained as he wound it, a beautiful British diapason of notes, sometimes long, sometimes short, and ending with a hearty, chest-full boom-boom-boom. My father’s chest was large and round, his voice deep and resonant. I often thought that clock spoke for him and the dignified truth inside him. Time was company; it never left you. A look at a pleasant, numbered face, and you’d practically hear it say: “Yes, I’m here. See? I’m still marking the minutes. You can count on me.”

  When I think of my father’s face, I see the loupe, the watchmaker’s special magnifying glass. It was a small tube of black-painted metal worn on one eye, a mini-telescope that fit into the optical orbit as though it were part of the skull. Through the glass, my father surveyed a microcosmic ward of ailing tickers. His domain opened up with the tiny click of a pocket-watch door, releasing a magical world in which minute gears spun clockwise, counterclockwise, and back and forth, each with its own rhythm. Daily, he sat at his wooden workbench, presiding over the internal secrets of clocks, each revealing its tiny pulse as he restored it to the natural, universal order.

  I thought of my father as a magical man and was in awe of him.

  “See what’s inside? Still alive,” he’d say, opening the back of a pocket watch. My father could reverse time; my father could reverse fate. He could fix a broken face, a cracked and
faded lens, and make it clear and true again. He could make a dead heart beat.

  Though the phrase Arbeit macht frei was the notorious banner welcoming doomed souls to slavery in Auschwitz, my father did, in fact, feel freed by his work. It relaxed him into a state of patient grace. By the time I was born, he had been fixing clocks and watches for nearly three decades. Simon had learned his trade back in Lithuania, apprenticing to a master as a boy of fourteen. His father had died when he was three, when Cossacks, rampaging through his village, shot the young miller, leaving behind a young widow and three helpless children. This story was my first narrative.

  “Poor Bubbe Sonia!” I would say about my paternal grandmother, after whom I was named.

  “‘Poor’ nothing,” my father would answer. “She was a special woman, strong and brave.”

  This Sonia Taitz, the original one, buried her husband on their land, sold the millstones, and fled their riverside home, escaping into what my father called “deep Russia.” I always imagined a dark, Slavic forest, and a young, Snow White—like woman, surrounded by menacing branches. Bright eyes in the night, sadists and murderers watching her and her three little children, my father, as in a fairy tale, the youngest. Her favorite.

  The eldest, a bookish, lanky boy called Aaron, was sent away to wealthy relatives. They were not kind to him, and ultimately he ran away to Palestine and did manual labor with other raw immigrants. The middle child, Paula, was blue-eyed, dimpled, and flirtatious. After marrying hot and young, she and her husband were sent to Siberia by the Communists.

  Simon was left alone to support his mother. A gifted athlete, he enjoyed the Lithuanian winters, skating around Kovno (as the Jews called Kaunas), racing through woods and villages, flying forward into his manhood. Though he would rather have studied and become a doctor, he considered himself lucky to find that he loved his trade, and by his early twenties was a master himself, with a workshop and trained apprentices of his own. When inducted into the Lithuanian army, he enlisted with enthusiasm and loved the physicality of it, the discipline. On his return, flush with confidence, he opened a watch store, then another; he bought himself a Harley Davidson, top of the line. But when the Communists invaded, he was forced to “nationalize” his business, as well as the Harley. Still, he survived, he thrived; he supported his widowed mother. In the evenings, he danced at parties.

  When, however, the Nazis invaded Lithuania, Simon began planning ways of escape. Good Christian friends had offered him documents, and he had considered booking passage to Australia with his mother. She, however, was frightened of starting her life again so far away. So he stayed behind with her.

  “That’s why she died, right?” I was trying to figure out causes and avoidable, fixable mistakes. He had almost died as well; he was one of the very few Jews from his part of the world who had not.

  “Who knows why she died?”

  “No, Daddy, she had to keep moving. She got stuck!”

  “I, too, my little Sonia. We all got stuck somewhere. But by a miracle, God heard my prayers, and I survived.”

  My father considered himself lucky to have become a watchmaker. Lawyers, businessmen, and even doctors went to the gas chambers, but his humble, practical skill was needed. This portable trade saved his life. Simon had been assigned to fix the time for the Nazis, who prized punctuality. As he explained to me, Germans respected his ability, eventually giving him his own workshop within the camp. A part of him reveled in this odd esteem, even (or especially) coming from his enemies and captors.

  “The Germans admired a well-functioning machine. They loved order and discipline and I gave them that. Their watches and clocks came in broken and came out ‘ticktock’ perfect. So in some way we understood one another.”

  The watchmaker’s trade was all that my father carried with him when he came to America in 1949, but again it was enough. After a few years of working in-house at Omega, the prestigious watch company, he began renting a little shop on the West Side of Manhattan, on Broadway and Sixty-third Street. Eventually, Lincoln Center would be built next door to this modest location, and he would befriend (and fix the watches of) great artists and impresarios; for now, he sat in his little jewelry shop in the middle of a tough neighborhood.

  Hooting groups of teenagers ran by the store, hitting the windows with baseball bats. On a few occasions they smashed in the glass, shattering his storefront and grabbing watches by the trayful. My father chased them down the street, tackling the stragglers, grabbing back his treasures from their loosening fists. Carefully, he laid them back in their usual places in the trays, unafraid of anything but more degradation, more loss. He would truly rather die, now, than be bested by bullies and criminals. And he was not about to die. He installed heavy iron gates that at the beginning and the end of his long workday he slid over the windows with a long, loud set of clangs and a final bang. Then he installed a sensitive alarm system, so sensitive that any rattle of the gates would lead to an emergency call to the police, and another to our home. There was always a sense of potential disaster in that little West Side store, and the gates themselves, fastened by an enormous lock, seemed more a shock than a comfort to me.

  Interspersed with the drama of thugs and thieves came the peacefulness of my father’s labor. Simon was, I suppose, used to functioning around crises, always able to restore himself to calm productivity as maelstroms faded. A laminated wooden OMEGA, written in large gold letters, hung over his head as he sat quietly at his workbench, attesting to his ranking as a master. Omega was my father’s Yale and his Harvard. Around him lay a little store lined with glass showcases and mirrors that my mother endlessly polished. Within the showcase lay velveteen trays holding jewelry; my mother wiped these treasures daily with a chamois cloth to make them sparkle.

  And work soothed his soul as nothing else could. With the loupe in his eye, my father seemed to see everything. Even when a customer came into the store, he might not look up, so immersed was he in the intricate mysteries of his timepieces. My mother, his assistant in the shop, would dash up to them and eagerly say, “Can I help you?” Sometimes they were there to look at a ring, or try bracelets on their arms, and she would get busy and pull out some velveteen trays. Most often, however, they had heard of my father, and wanted a bit of his time.

  “I’m waiting for the watchmaker,” they would say.

  A glass separated him from his customers, the way a curtain might separate the holy from the Holy of Holies. Only when it was time, only when an issue was settled in his mind, would my father lay down his work, pop out his loupe, and look up. Then he would say, with utter seriousness, each word seeming to take on its fullest meaning:

  “How may I be of service to you?”

  From deep within pockets, purses, bags, and briefcases would emerge a beloved old wristwatch, an antique pocket watch, or a large, priceless antique clock. Unwrapping, exposing, handing treasures over to my father’s side of the glass, they would part with their heirlooms. He would look at the timepiece, first without the loupe, and then with it—opening the back with tiny tools as the customer stood back, scarcely breathing. Sometimes he would admire the secret paintings within secret doors (pastorals, portraits) or a clever repeater, a special toll, or ticking capability.

  “Yes, I think I can make this repair,” he would finally say. “When you come back, your treasure will be beating.”

  Naming Ceremony

  I TOOK MY FIRST BREATH less than a decade after the flames of the Holocaust had ended. Embers glittered in the ashes, and the last plumes of smoke still hung in the air. Notwithstanding the busy, ticking timepieces, the atmosphere at home was thick with the past. I cannot remember being born into my own world, my own time frame. I was born into my parents’ world, the world of refugees, immigrants, survivors.

  It was dark in my apartment in Washington Heights, a leafy uptown enclave of immigrants perched on the Hudson. We lived in tenements with fire escapes, railroad flats where only the front rooms caught a breeze
. Still, we were happy to come inside, climb the staircases, lock the heavy front doors to our apartments, and be safe and unbothered.

  When we peeped out the front windows, the world outside was lively with screaming children playing stickball, hopscotching, or simply bouncing their balls against the sooty courtyard walls. Segregated by mere streets, we lived among hearty Irish handymen, ponytailed Puerto Rican girls who attended the Mother Cabrini convent school up the block, and the contained, devout German Jews who had lived in the neighborhood for decades. My parents were part of the most recent arrivals—Yiddish-speaking Polish and Lithuanian Jews who’d been spat out of Europe by a blast from Hades.

  The fact that my older brother and I were alive, new Jews born after Hitler had promised to annihilate all the undesirables on the planet, was to my parents a sign and a miracle. My father and mother were both concentration camp survivors. Not victims—survivors, people who had looked death in the face and rebutted it. They had been slaves, with razor-nicked heads and skeletal bodies; they had scrounged for rotten potato peels and woken up alongside corpses; they had pleaded for their lives and run from guns and gasses, pits and ovens. They had prayed and promised and sensed, in my father’s case particularly, the answering voice of God. Their belief, they felt, had saved them, and so, unlike many others, they kept on believing. I never thought of them as weak, but as God-like warriors themselves, however wounded.

  At the time of my birth, an unruffled state of mind was, theoretically, available to most Americans. Here was a world of conspiratorially bland, amusing entertainment, a corny embrace of normalcy. Still, the healing banality, the soothing crackle of black-and-white television, gray flannel suits, and blank-faced furniture was not peace to my folks, but hypocrisy. They felt a certain contempt for those vapid, idle Americans who didn’t appreciate the true magnitude, the nightmarish depth, of existence, who persisted in focusing on what my parents called narishkeit (foolishness)—with their golf and their martinis, their beehive or Brylcreem hairdos and hulking two-car garages.